Diya Bose-Malakar – Âé¶č·ĆÓłĂâ·Ń Official Student Newspaper of Henry M. Gunn High School Mon, 22 Apr 2024 01:32:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 Throwing Shade: Colorism tints beauty standards, confidence /26987/uncategorized/throwing-shade-colorism-tints-beauty-standards-confidence/ /26987/uncategorized/throwing-shade-colorism-tints-beauty-standards-confidence/#respond Fri, 12 Apr 2024 20:41:59 +0000 /?p=26987 When senior Mahadev Tapaskar attended a summer camp with other Indian kids, he didn’t expect to be faced with insults about his skin color.

“The other kids saw how dark I was and would belittle me,” he said. “I even got called a monkey. Being so dark-skinned made me feel like an outlier. Because of that, I just kept to myself and didn’t really hang out with any of the other kids for the rest of the camp.”

Instances like these highlight a form of prejudice closely tied to racism: colorism. Merriam-Webster defines colorism as “prejudice or discrimination especially within a racial or ethnic group favoring people with lighter skin over those with darker skin.” While racism involves discrimination against people based on their racial group, colorism can occur within a single ethnic group.

From the “brown paper bag test” denying dark-skinned Black people entrance into establishments to the development of skin bleaching, colorism has strong historical roots. Its ramifications extend into the present day, perpetuating discrimination and inequality based on skin tone in communities around the world.

Historical background

Over centuries of enslavement or colonial rule, lighter-skinned individuals were often elevated and granted privileges compared to their darker-skinned counterparts, reinforcing the notion that fair skin equates to beauty and superiority.

In the Black communities in the U.S., the origins of colorism date back to slavery, when enslaved people with fairer complexions — sometimes children of the enslaving man and an enslaved woman — were assigned to work in the house, while enslaved people with darker complexions worked in the fields. Those working in the house were more likely to receive an education, nutritious food and less physically harsh working conditions — though they were often sexually assaulted or raped by enslavers.

“Being so dark-skinned made me feel like an outlier. Because of that, I just kept to myself and didn’t really hang out with any of the other kids for the rest of the camp.”

— Senior Mahadev Tapaskar

Colorism persisted post-emancipation, manifesting in the workplace and social hierarchies. Fairer-skinned Black individuals were more likely to secure better jobs and ascend the socioeconomic ladder, perpetuating the notion that lighter skin meant higher status. The infamous “brown paper bag test,” comparing one’s skin tone to the color of a paper bag, emerged as a discriminatory practice used to determine eligibility for membership in elite social circles in the Black community.

In other nations of the Americas, Africa and Asia, colonial powers’ imposition of Eurocentric beauty standards reinforced hierarchies based on skin color, with lighter-skinned individuals often afforded preferential treatment. Over time, colonized peoples internalized these colorist standards, holding onto them even after imperial powers withdrew.

Now, individuals in these communities compete for opportunities and resources based on their perceived “proximity to whiteness.” In a 2002 American Sociological Association paper, Pennsylvania State University sociology and demographics researcher Mark E. Hill explains how “whiteness became identified with all that is civilized, virtuous and beautiful” due to European colonization, bringing those with fairer skin “closer to the opportunities that were only afforded to white people.”

Lighter-skinned individuals may therefore benefit from systemic advantages, further widening the economic gap. In a 2021 study led by the Pew Research Center, 62% of Hispanic adults said that having a darker complexion negatively impacted their chances of getting ahead in the U.S. Additionally, Vanderbilt University economist Joni Hersch led a 2008 study that found that darker-skinned immigrants faced a wage gap of up to 25% compared to their lighter-skinned counterparts. Hersch found that “on average, being one shade lighter has about the same effect as having an additional year of education.”

Not all colorist ideals stem from colonization, however. In some uncolonized communities, laborers got more tan from working in the sun, while upper-class citizens stayed indoors and maintained a fairer complexion. Lighter- skinned people were thus the ones who had a higher socioeconomic status.

Colonialism’s legacy and socioeconomic assumptions contribute to colorism in countries such as India, which senior Aarushi Kumar has noticed during trips there.

“One of my cousins living in India is a lot paler than me,” she said. “There’s this running joke where people say that they would’ve assumed my cousin was the one from America if I never said anything. Since Americans are assumed to have more money, then that means they must be paler.”

Racial passing

Racial passing occurs when an individual of one racial group is accepted or perceived as a member of another racial group. Non-white individuals who are “white-passing” are perceived as or able to pass as white due to their physical appearance. Because of racist and colorist ideals, this perception can afford them certain advantages in society, including access to better opportunities and less discrimination.

Sophomore Airealana Williams, whose mom’s side is Italian and Mexican and dad’s side is Black and Asian, has navigated these skin color biases. “

I feel like there’s a stigma about specifically African Americans that I’ve noticed,” she said. “When I’m with my dad, I noticed we do get looked at differently than when I go out with my mom because my mom has a lighter complexion.”

In the Latino community, white-passing individuals navigate the world with less scrutiny and experience fewer barriers than individuals with darker skin tones. According to “Passing vs Non-Passing: Latina/o/x Experiences and Understandings of Being Presumed White,” a research paper by Francisco Rodriguez at California State University, San Bernardino, Latinos do not associate themselves with a specific race, causing them to be classified into groups and associated with stereotypes that do not accurately represent the diverse individuals in the community.

Sophomore Megumi Estrada Nakamatsu, who identifies as Peruvian Japanese, has observed the different behaviors toward white-passing individuals in her community.

“I know that some people like to say to them that they’re very privileged to be able to look ‘passing,’ but I also know that they also have their hardships as well,” she said.

Processes such as skin-bleaching grew in prevalence during the 19th and 20th centuries in many nations, and many remain in use today. A study led by Allied Market Research showed that the global market for skin lightening was valued at $7.05 billion in 2021.

Representation & belonging

As an Indian person with a darker-than-average complexion, Tapaskar hasn’t always been able to find people who looked like him on the screen. Even in the Indian film industry, movies are filled with fair-skinned actors.

“There are a lot of light-skinned actors in Bollywood, and it just isn’t proportionate to the billions of people in India,” he said. “And it just gets reinforced because having fair-skinned actors is the easiest way to produce stars and is a way of making money and selling beauty items.”

Preference for lighter-skinned minorities shows up in other major film industries as well. Research done by the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media found that 81% of Black leading actresses from 2009-19 have a lighter skin tone. Such lack of representation perpetuates harmful stereotypes and reinforces societal ideals of beauty, hurting individuals with darker complexions.

“In Hollywood movies, casting directors have access to a very wide range of skin colors when choosing an Indian actor,” Kumar said. “Yet, somehow, they always end up picking the lightest one. I notice the same pattern is there with successful Black, Hispanic and other Asian actors in Hollywood too. And the few darker-skinned actors are almost always cast in roles that exploit their trauma.”

“I know that some people like to say to (people who ‘pass’) that they’re very privileged to be able to look ‘passing,’ but I also know that they also have their hardships as well.”

— Sophomore Megumi Estrada Nakamatsu

Beyond the screen in real life, sophomore Natalia Martinez Lopez would try to match the beauty standard by using her lighter-skinned mother’s makeup when she was younger.

“In my household, my mom isn’t brownish-tan, and most of my mom’s side aren’t that brownish-tan — I got that from my dad’s side,” she said. “So whenever I would see her foundation, I’d put the foundation on myself because I was like, ‘Oh, I guess that’s the beauty standard.’”

Embracing darker skin

Nevertheless, many in communities with colorist ideals have learned to embrace their darker skin. Kumar notes that changing society’s equivalence of beauty standards with skin tone is the best way to reduce skin tone-based discrimination. Understanding that a dark skin tone does not indicate unattractiveness can improve people’s perception of self-worth.

“Growing up in California, I have learned to embrace being tan, and I’m happy in my skin,” she said. “I try my hardest to share this same belief with my relatives in India because colorism is very closely tied with beauty standards in East and South Asian cultures. But it’s gonna take a lot more work to spread that same message in Western cultures because there are a lot of misconceptions, so colorism is generally very closely tied with racism here.”

Other students have looked to notable figures who share the same deep complexion they have. Lopez has found this reflection helpful.

“One day, I was crying because a girl said to me, ‘Oh, you’re so brown, like the dirt,’ and I was telling my dad in Spanish, ‘Oh, I wish I was white,’” she said. “He (said,) ‘Don’t say that, your skin color is pretty — it’s just like (Our Lady of Guadalupe’s).’ I really liked her story and idolized her, so I realized I shouldn’t feel bad because I’m the color of her and she’s pretty, so I should feel proud of myself.”

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IMG_8873 /26486/uncategorized/thrifted-treasures-students-share-their-favorite-finds/attachment/img_8873/ /26486/uncategorized/thrifted-treasures-students-share-their-favorite-finds/attachment/img_8873/#respond Mon, 19 Feb 2024 04:07:31 +0000 /wp-content/uploads/2024/02/IMG_8873.jpeg

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Thrifted treasures: Students share their favorite finds /26486/uncategorized/thrifted-treasures-students-share-their-favorite-finds/ /26486/uncategorized/thrifted-treasures-students-share-their-favorite-finds/#respond Wed, 14 Feb 2024 06:39:18 +0000 /?p=26486 /26486/uncategorized/thrifted-treasures-students-share-their-favorite-finds/feed/ 0 ‘Cuffing season’ pressure makes remaining single more difficult /25974/uncategorized/cuffing-season-pressure-makes-remaining-single-more-difficult/ /25974/uncategorized/cuffing-season-pressure-makes-remaining-single-more-difficult/#respond Wed, 13 Dec 2023 03:37:21 +0000 /?p=25974 Following a hot girl summer filled with healing and self-reflection, I’m back — still single and hotter than ever. After enjoying the blissful solace of independence, I’ve decided that entering a relationship is the last thing I want to do, especially as I’m nearing the end of my high school journey. Although I’ve set this healthy boundary for myself, there is still one looming issue: cuffing season. As the colder weather and upcoming holidays create pressure to find a partner to enjoy the festivities with, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to avoid getting into a relationship.

Cuffing season generally starts after Halloween and extends until mid-February, conveniently encompassing gift-giving holidays like Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Yet this increased yearning for companionship stems from more than wanting a plus-one for holiday events. As temperatures drop, so do serotonin levels, causing people to seek out romantic partners to bring warmth to a lonely void.

Even if I did want to be in a relationship, it might be a challenge to find a partner willing to match my commitment level. With the prevalence of hookup culture, many people prefer having casual flings over exclusive relationships. Consequently, people feel inadequate when prospective partners want varying levels of commitment.

Despite my conscious decision to remain single, I’ve still felt the pressures of cuffing season. Navigating hallways full of hand holding, starry-eyed couples can be discouraging, especially when most of my close friends are in happy relationships.

When surrounded by these couples, I must constantly remind myself how empowering it can be to choose independence. After investing significant time and effort into self-improvement, I don’t want to stunt my personal growth by forcing myself into a half-baked, surface-level relationship for the sake of being cuffed. With such high pressures to couple up, it can be hard to distinguish wanting to be in a relationship based on meaningful connections versus simply out of envy.

While there is novelty in the high school dating experience, this is also a critical period to explore new passions. Without the distraction of a relationship, I have more opportunities to prioritize personal goals without simultaneously concentrating on someone else’s happiness.

Being alone isn’t a curse, and I’ve managed to turn it into a blessing by spending my free time with intentionality. I can still enjoy upcoming winter festivities with my friends and invest my extra time in long-lasting friendships. Though I’ll occasionally suffer from a bout of loneliness, I find comfort in knowing that there is no mandatory timeline for finding a partner, and my worth is not determined by my winter relationship status.

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New albums strike chords with Âé¶č·ĆÓłĂâ·Ń staffers /25802/uncategorized/new-albums-strike-chords-with-the-oracle-staffers-2/ /25802/uncategorized/new-albums-strike-chords-with-the-oracle-staffers-2/#respond Wed, 15 Nov 2023 18:16:22 +0000 /?p=25802 Travis Scott: ‘UTOPIA’

Rapper Travis Scott released his highly anticipated fourth studio album, “UTOPIA,” on July 28. Over the album’s 19 tracks, Scott guides listeners through a musical journey exploring the subjectiveness of a perfect world. With impeccable production and a star-studded feature list, this album is a strong contender for the Album of the Year award.

The album’s rollout was lengthy and sporadic, partially due to legal controversy following Scott’s Astroworld Festival, which resulted in numerous attendee deaths and injuries. Additionally, his legendary “ASTROWORLD,” released five years ago, set a high bar for “UTOPIA.”

Scott brought back fan-favorite hidden features, rewarding listeners with thrilling surprises such as Drake’s appearance on “MELTDOWN,” an experience comparable to the shock of hearing his iconic verse on “SICKO MODE” five years ago. Although Scott’s recent features on albums like Metro Boomin’s “HEROES & VILLAINS” and Don Toliver’s “Love Sick” were impressive, he missed the mark with his verses when it came to his own album. Scott was simply outperformed by collaborators — especially SZA, with her levitation-inducing vocals on “TELEKINESIS,” and 21 Savage on “TOPIA TWINS.”

Scott likely prioritized having a well-produced album over focusing on his own rapping. His production conforms to his usual psychedelic style, combined with dark, atmospheric synth. Listeners may also notice the influence of Ye (formerly known as Kanye West): Aside from the tracks he helped produce, like “GOD’S COUNTRY,” the album shares a similar overall sound to Ye’s 2013 album, “Yeezus,” which Scott collaborated on. Although Scott’s rapping wasn’t in its usual upper echelon, he has mastered the skill of curation, as seen by his guest collaborators and the variety of different sounds. Topped with seamless transitions and artful beat switches, the production of “UTOPIA” sets it at a level above many other recent albums in the genre.

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Spotlight: Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour /25402/uncategorized/spotlight-taylor-swifts-eras-tour/ /25402/uncategorized/spotlight-taylor-swifts-eras-tour/#respond Mon, 25 Sep 2023 04:38:40 +0000 /?p=25402 Analysts predict Taylor Swift’s record-breaking Eras Tour will rake in over $1.4 billion in revenue total, surpassing Elton John’s previous record of $939 million from his 2018-23 tour. Earning an estimated $14 million in nightly ticket revenue, Swift has been credited for single-handedly improving the economy of each city she performs in, prompting politicians to insist that the Eras Tour be held in specific venues. In the U.S. alone, the tour has accounted for $5 billion in consumer spending: Each concertgoer spends $1300 per each $100 spent on tickets, as opposed to the standard $300 of extra spending per $100 spent on tickets, according to analytics company QuestionPro.

Beyond its effect on the national economy, the Eras Tour carries its own cultural significance. Swift’s fans began a practice of trading dozens of friendship bracelets after taking inspiration from the “Midnights” track “You’re On Your Own, Kid.” Swifties also dress up in elaborate costumes inspired by Swift’s ten albums, often adorning themselves in sequin-studded attire.

These practices are not only limited to ticket purchasers. Swifties that aren’t able to get tickets often congregate in tailgates outside the venue, in gatherings referred to as “Tay-gates,” and listen to the concert along with thousands of other fans. Through her tour, Swift has redefined and raised the bar for concert experiences.

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Secondary schools adopt new Monday schedule to enhance teacher collaboration /25248/uncategorized/secondary-schools-adopt-new-monday-schedule-to-enhance-teacher-collaboration/ /25248/uncategorized/secondary-schools-adopt-new-monday-schedule-to-enhance-teacher-collaboration/#respond Fri, 15 Sep 2023 04:58:45 +0000 /?p=25248 Starting Sept. 18, all PAUSD secondary schools will adopt a new schedule featuring a later start time and 35-minute periods on six designated Mondays in the academic year. Administrators from PAUSD middle and high schools reached this decision to allow for more intra-staff support and collaboration. 

Under the new schedule, students will start their first-period class at 10:15 a.m. and end their seventh-period class at 3:50 p.m. The schedule allots an hour before school for staff professional development, followed by a 5-minute brunch and a standard passing period, and removes zero period. Currently, the late-start Mondays are scheduled on Sept. 18, Oct. 16, Nov. 13, Jan. 22, Feb. 26 and April 22.

In response to data suggesting that teacher collaboration and bonding is key to improving student learning experiences, the district prioritized embedding additional time for teachers to discuss and align  their curricula. Administrators are hoping to expand staff collaboration beyond intra-department staff meetings held in Professional Learning Communities, so that same-subject teachers can standardize their curricula, according to Principal Wendy Stratton. “Students shouldn’t experience a lottery (based on their teacher),” she said. “But if teachers are siloed, and they don’t sit down (together) very often, then students will have disparate experiences. And that might lead to equity and fairness issues.”

This staff-development time is also meant to encourage more organic, interdisciplinary collaboration between teachers. Instead of having structured, schoolwide activities that occur on standard staff-development days, teachers can meet with each other according to their needs. “I’m hoping to really generate some energy amongst our staff to not only become more aligned and innovative together (within their department), but also have teachers work cross-curricularly more and create a less siloed experience in high school,” Stratton said.

The district has implemented measures to accommodate students’ transportation needs on late-start Mondays. Valley Transportation Authority bus routes have adjusted their stop times to align with the new start times. There will also be rooms open before school for students who are unable to get to school later. After the first trial Monday, on Sept 18., more changes may occur in response to unforeseen issues.

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‘Hot girl summer’ fosters unhealthy standards, toxic dating culture for students /24838/uncategorized/hot-girl-summer-fosters-unhealthy-standards-toxic-dating-culture-for-students/ /24838/uncategorized/hot-girl-summer-fosters-unhealthy-standards-toxic-dating-culture-for-students/#respond Fri, 19 May 2023 20:44:09 +0000 /?p=24838 When I first announced that I was destined to be single this summer, I was met with congratulatory remarks from my friends because that meant that I could participate in “hot girl summer” for the first time in two years. Yet I couldn’t share the same excitement that made my friends’ faces glow, since realistically, I wasn’t going to be spending my summer surrounded by guys in a poolside cabana, bikini-clad and sporting a six-pack. All I knew was that I needed time to learn how to live life as an individual and embrace the joys of my newfound independence.

The phrase first originated from Megan Thee Stallion’s 2019 hit song “Hot Girl Summer.” Although four years have passed since its release, the term still reemerges every summer. Stallion originally intended for the song to preach self-confidence and authenticity, but as the phrase gained popularity, it began to shift into a more toxic ideal promoting hook-up culture and perpetuating unrealistic expectations of what a “hot girl” is.

The most notable connotation of “hot girl summer” is that of female promiscuity, essentially serving as an umbrella term for an abundance of summer flings. The term encourages women to go out with a plethora of guys, showing little to no remorse for anybody’s feelings but their own. This interpretation echoes the original idea of prioritizing oneself, but is a ways off from its initial intent.

Furthermore, as with most popular trends in a society fueled by consumerism, “hot girl summer” has seeped into marketing ploys. Companies integrate the term into their advertisements for bikinis, miniskirts and crop tops, pressuring consumers into buying new swimsuits and going-out tops to prepare for the upcoming summer. Naturally, the fitness industry has also caught hold of this trend and transformed it into the newest iteration of the age-old unrealistic model standards. Content creators recommend special diets and workouts that promise a slim, toned body in time for “hot girl summer.” The term has suffered a significant shift over time — it is no longer associated with being “unapologetically yourself,” as Stallion suggested. Instead, the term only includes those whose appearance match the “hot girl” figure and who could afford to achieve the “hot girl” lifestyle.

For me, the idea of having a “hot girl summer” carried a lot of pressure. I felt that I didn’t fit the cookie-cutter image of a “hot girl” I saw being promoted on social media, and the popular “hot girl summer” checklists involved activities that I had no interest in partaking in. The pressure made the upcoming summer seem less fun and more like a competition that I needed to prepare for.

Although I have yet to experience a full-fledged “hot girl summer,” I’ve engaged in somewhat of a pre-season, during which I’ve learned invaluable lessons. I noticed how while my heightened sense of freedom did allow me to meet new people and engage in different experiences, a sense of inner loneliness remained. I felt unfulfilled, even with a phone filled with dozens of unread texts from admirers that I was only mildly interested in. Especially after being in a committed relationship, the absence of romantic intimacy and trust weighed on me. I started noticing the uneasiness I’d feel every time I was asked out and the overwhelming sense of stress brewing in my stomach before every date.

I have ultimately realized that no amount of male attention can supersede the lack of love in my life. Yet, instead of seeking validation, I now know that I need to find that love within myself in order to fully heal. With this revelation, the phrase “hot girl summer” has reverted back to its roots as an ideal promoting self-love.

So, what once began as a mentality embracing the joys of independence became distorted into one promoting the hypersexualization of women and toxic hook-up culture. It was then used as bait for cheap marketing ploys. That, however, doesn’t discount its potential to spread an empowering message. In order to see widespread change, companies and content creators need to begin promoting all body types when discussing “hot girl summer” and shifting their language to be more inclusive to those with different gender identities. This summer, I hope to reclaim the term and tweak it in a way that reflects my own definition of a “hot girl.” I am my hottest self when I am my happiest self, and I will achieve this goal by engaging in activities that bring me closer to it, rather than ones that I feel like I need to do according to social media.

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Historical female figures /24170/uncategorized/historical-female-figures/ /24170/uncategorized/historical-female-figures/#respond Wed, 15 Mar 2023 17:22:42 +0000 /?p=24170 Mary Wollstonecraft

Born in 1759, Mary Wollstonecraft was a renowned women’s rights activist who made significant contributions to the origins of feminism through literature. She wrote “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman” in 1792, which is considered to be one of the earliest books written about gender equality, and laid a foundation for the fight for women’s rights throughout the world.

Although Wollstonecraft grew up in poverty and her access to education was very limited, she was determined to create reform for women’s rights and challenge prejudices rooted in sexism. Through hard work, she not only acquired an education, but eventually also opened a girls’ school with her sister in London in 1874.

Wollstonecraft was most active during the peak of the Enlightenment era, a time period in which intellectuals engaged in philosophical and scientific discourse regarding society. During this time, Wollstonecraft advocated for accessibility of education for women, despite pushback from the prominent male thinkers such as Jean-Jacques Rousseau at the time who opposed her beliefs. Although her ideas regarding the double standards set for women were very radical for her time, she eventually grew to be one of the most influential philosophers during the Age of Enlightenment.

Claudette Colvin (Irene Hong)

Claudette Colvin

Although the story of Rosa Parks is well-known, the stories of countless other Black women go unnoticed, such as Claudette Colvin’s. Nine months prior to Parks’ boycott, 15-year-old Colvin didn’t give up her seat when asked to move to the back of the bus in Montgomery, Alabama on March 2, 1955.

Colvin was arrested and was charged with disruption of peace, violation of segregation laws and assault of officers. Following this incident, Colvin was forced to drop out of school and discontinue her education. She decided to channel her energy into advocating for civil rights for African-Americans. She and Parks became closer, with Colvin making contributions to the fight against racial discrimination by joining the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Youth Council. In 1956, Colvin became one of the four female plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case “Browder v. Gayle,” which determined the laws to be in violation of the 14th Amendment and led to the desegregation of buses in Alabama.

Colvin’s story is often untold because local activists felt Parks would be a better face for the fight against segregation, as she was an adult and presented as less Black to appeal more to white audiences to join the movement. Despite this, Colvin’s story is a powerful example of a young Black female showcasing strength in the face of adversity.

Tarana Burke (Irene Hong)

Tarana Burke

Tarana Burke started the Me Too Movement in 2017, which sparked the creation of a global network of sexual violence survivors through meaningful discussions. The Me Too Movement was created to increase awareness of sexual violence and began as a platform for survivors to share their stories and show how rampant the experience of sexual abuse is, as well as the gender inequalities often associated with it.

Burke was a youth worker who mainly worked with young women of color. Burke identified with the story of a girl she worked with so much that she became inspired to start the Me Too Movement because of it. As a survivor herself, she recognized that many others have also suffered through similar tragedies.

The movement began picking up after Hollywood actress Alyssa Milano tweeted about her own story using the “#MeToo” hashtag, which had inspired millions of other survivors to share their own stories. As the hashtag circulated internationally, the door was opened to new discussions regarding the power dynamics between genders and connections between race and abuse. Burke was named the “TIME” Person of the Year in 2017 and also received the Sydney Peace Prize. Today, Burke continues her work for the Me Too Movement and the combat of other social injustices.

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Junior Zoe Kamphuis: Living with Divorced Parents /23807/uncategorized/junior-zoe-kamphuis-living-with-divorced-parents/ /23807/uncategorized/junior-zoe-kamphuis-living-with-divorced-parents/#respond Fri, 24 Feb 2023 17:29:53 +0000 /?p=23807 Junior Zoe Kamphuis was 8 years old when her parents called her in for a family meeting that would completely change her life. She remembers being filled with excitement, hoping to be surprised with a family trip to Disneyland. Although she knew that was unlikely, she never anticipated what the reality of the talk would be: Her parents were getting divorced. Kamphuis only remembers a fleeting moment of sadness, which quickly disappeared. “Because I was so young, I felt a bit down,” she said. “But my parents also gave me ice cream when they told me, so I wasn’t that sad.”

Since Kamphuis was young when her parents got divorced, she doesn’t recall struggling with adapting to the separation. The household change wasn’t particularly jarring for Kamphuis because having parents who lived separately was not a foreign concept. “Living in separate households wasn’t something that I felt was super different or uncommon because many of my close friends had parents that also didn’t live together,” she said.

However, as Kamphuis got older, her perspective began to shift slightly. Despite being okay with her parents’ divorce, she has sometimes envied people with married parents. “Having married parents seems very nice and put together with their picket-fence lifestyles,” Kamphuis said. “I know that my life would probably look a lot different if my parents were still together, but at the same time, I don’t feel the need to change any aspect of my current life.”

Kamphuis’ parents had an amicable divorce and agreed that they would be happier apart. As a result, she didn’t have to deal with any custody quarrels. Her parents now share custody of her and her younger brother. Although it can be troublesome to have to carry belongings between houses, she doesn’t view it as too much of a challenge. “It’s not really that different from a nuclear family besides the physical aspect because my parents still get along,” Kamphuis said. “My parents are still friends, so it’s not really life-changing.”

Despite minor inconveniences, Kamphuis believes that having two households has its benefits. She appreciates celebrating holidays twice with her parents’ different styles. The separation also allows her to cultivate a deep connection with both of her parents. “I’m definitely closer to my mom than I would have been if my parents didn’t get divorced,” she said. “I was always kind of a daddy’s girl, and I probably still would have been if they never got divorced.”

Kamphuis is grateful that she has her younger brother with her. “He’s a very different person, but we’re still there for each other,” she said. “In general, we like being at the same house together. We get to hang out and even though we don’t get along super well, we still like to make sure that we’re in the same place.”

Although media portrayal of divorce is often negative, Kamphuis believes that sometimes it’s better than a harsher reality of living in a household filled with hostility. “When people think of divorce, it’s very negative,” she said. “I think sometimes it can be a very positive thing because it’s worse to be in a household where your parents should have gotten divorced, but didn’t. Overall, both my households are very peaceful and I don’t think it would have been that way if my parents didn’t get divorced.”

Now that she’s older, Kamphuis understands that the divorce was needed. “I don’t think that they were meant to be together, so I’m not resentful towards it,” she said. “Both my parents are very different people, so I respect their decision.”

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